What am I doing?

I woke this morning coming to one of the most important decisions of my life. Keep doing what I'm doing or embrace what my soul really wants to do.

I followed what my parents, family, friends and society wanted me to do and I got very very tired dealing with all their wants, fears and concerns. I woke up to the reality that I was living other's wants and I woke up to facing the reality that I would continue to do that if I didn't take faith, hope and trust by the hand and run with it. It's not easy ever to make a change and step into unfamiliarity but I must because I'm so tired of not doing what I love.

Many years ago I stopped and sat quietly and realized there were two voices in my head (there were more than two but these two were the main ones I heard). One voice keep sharing wonderful beautiful inspired feelings, the other was scared, frightened and worried beyond imagination and thoughts of joy weren't included. The moment I realized I was listening to "me" I awakened to the truth. These voices were one and the same, my true self and my false self. And I realized that I had to learn to love and heal the false self so I could be whole.

My personal traumas which I had buried could no longer stay buried. They swelled up into my awareness and no drug, sex, partner or diversion was going to stop them from doing what they were doing; telling me to deal with them or continue to suffer. It took me many years later and so much unhappiness to finally take a huge leap of faith and today is just like that. I'm taking matters into my own hands, I'm open to embrace my outer purpose from my inner purpose and not let anyone or anything stand in my way. Without doing this I'd be back doing what everyone else expects from me and not what my soul knows it needs. Inner peace in ALL areas of my life. Namaste